at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
