What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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