I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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