What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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