Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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