I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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