my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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