I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
