we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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