Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
