So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to be your penis for a week.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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