Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
