So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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