Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
