He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
