Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
