i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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