8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
