I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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