I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
