just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They took my balls.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
