We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
