Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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