I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
