All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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