I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
