why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
