I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
