Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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