so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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