So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
