You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize