I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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