I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
