All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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