I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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