This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize