remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
