Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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