Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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