Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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