You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
