So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
