It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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