Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
