dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
