Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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