wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this will be a night to untag.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
