And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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