Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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