I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
