my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
