That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
