Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
