dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize