Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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