Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Less talking, more tequila
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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