you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
