You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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