I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
