you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
