just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
