Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
