Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
