Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
