just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
