The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
