Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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