So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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