woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
