A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
