he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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